Everyday Ways to Build Connection With Your Kids
How to mitigate Technoference & connect deeply with your young children
Hi, and welcome to Nurture Notes! I’m Cadence, a mama and a writer who cares deeply about intentional motherhood and building a more purposeful, connected life with our kids.
When I say “intentional motherhood,” I just mean making choices on purpose, not out of habit or pressure. It’s about slowing down long enough to ask, “Is this working for us?” and being brave enough to do things differently when it’s not.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Hey, Mama.
Today, I’m sharing a few ways to intentionally connect with our kids. Often, connection comes naturally, but sometimes we have to be proactive about building a deep, meaningful connection. Especially with toddlers and preschoolers, who don’t always have the words to say, “I need more of you.” Instead, we see it in clinginess, meltdowns, or big misplaced energy. Our job is to notice those cues and meet them with small, intentional moments that say, I see you. I’m here. When we lead with connection, everything gets a little easier: fewer power struggles, more cooperation, and a child who feels secure and understood.
So why is it so hard to give our kids the connection they need, even when we want to?
The Mental Load
Even when we’re sitting with our kids, we’re often not really there. We’re meal-planning, remembering to RSVP to the birthday party, mentally calculating how many hours of sleep everyone got, and then suddenly remembering we need to switch the laundry. This constant, low-grade cognitive noise can make us less emotionally available and leave us feeling downright exhausted.
Cultural Pressure for Productivity
We live in a world that glorifies output. Slowing down to play LEGOs or watch your child build a pillow fort feels “unproductive” in a culture obsessed with to-do lists and personal growth. That pressure makes it hard to be fully present, even when we deeply want to be.
And then there’s…
Technoference
That’s the term researchers use to describe how technology, especially our phones, interferes with our relationships and is especially relevant in parent-child dynamics.
When we’re checking texts during playtime, scrolling while they’re talking to us, or mentally half-present because of all the notifications, we’re splitting our attention and unintentionally signaling to our kids that they’re not our priority in that moment. It’s a reality of parenting in a digital age. Still, over time, this constant low-level distraction can lead to reduced responsiveness, lower quality engagement, and even more irritability and impatience.
And our kids feel it. Studies link high levels of parental technoference with increased behavioral issues (like hyperactivity or aggression), mental health concerns (like anxiety), and even an increased likelihood that our children will develop their own problematic relationships with screens.
Some examples of Technoference are:
A parent scrolling through social media while a child tries to get their attention.
A parent using their phone during family mealtimes or playtime.
A parent checking emails instead of engaging in a conversation with their child.
We have all done those things. We have not ruined our kids by having a smartphone or using Instagram, but this is just another area of parenting that we have to navigate purposefully and intentionally.
Misunderstanding What “Connection” Looks Like
We sometimes think connection has to mean doing something significant or “meaningful,” when in reality, the most effective connection is often quiet and small. Getting down to their level, talking with them about something they love, and spending uninterrupted time with them. If we chase picture-perfect bonding moments, we miss the ones that are right in front of us.
Fortunately, there are simple and meaningful ways to reconnect. Small shifts that remind our kids they’re seen, safe, loved, and that our connection to them matters. The most powerful ones are usually consistent and woven into everyday life. Here are a few that have worked well in our home.
Small Intentional Ways to Connect with Our Kids
Daily Phone Free Time
One of the simplest ways to reconnect is to put your phone away, fully away, for part of the day. For us, it's usually the hour before school and after dinner. The phone goes on the charger, and I am fully present and available to tend to my kid without the constant distraction of my phone.
Stay-Home Days
Sometimes, the best connection happens when we stop trying to do it all. A "stay-home day" is an occasional day when we cancel the non-essentials, keep pajamas on too long, and let the day unfold slowly. It removes the rush, the car seat meltdowns, and the logistics. Make it easy on yourself by declaring these home days, takeout for dinner days, and laundry pile-up days. This way, you’re not adding to the never-ending to-do list, but instead making the subtle shift towards connection.
Shared Rhythms
There are moments in our day when we have an established rhythm of connection that my son can expect and rely on throughout the day. We call a couple of them “smoothie book time” and “green light time”. Smoothie book is in the mornings when we first wake up, we make a morning smoothie together, and then read a book.
I would ensure that these rhythms are attainable and something I, as the parent, enjoy doing too. I don’t want to play imaginary when we first wake up. I would be an annoyed, under-caffeinated, and impatient mother if I committed to “superhero morning wake-up time,” so make sure you choose something that feels doable and that you will enjoy, too. That way, you’ll be less likely to look around for your phone.
Create Micro-Moments of Undivided Attention
Put your phone down, get eye level, and let them lead. Full attention and no multitasking. Take them by their hands and say, “What would you like to do with me right now?” Watch them light up when you’re coming to them and wanting to participate in their interests. Ideally, I do this often throughout the day, particularly before I know I need to accomplish some tasks, such as cooking dinner or doing the dishes. I fill up his cup before asking him to play independently. This sets us both up for success.
Special Activity Day
This isn’t a full-blown “Yes” day (but it could be?) It’s a day when your kid picks something particularly special to them, and you do it! Pajama dance party? Sidewalk chalk obstacle course? Baking muffins and pretending we’re on a cooking show? Yes! Or it could be as simple as going for lunch after school pick-up.
The important thing here is to understand what is special for each of your specific kids. The bookstore may be the perfect activity for one and not so much for the other. Currently, my son's love language is the balloon store, specifically for a life-sized Buzz Lightyear balloon.
Invite Them Into Your World
Let them into your real life: cooking, folding laundry, organizing a drawer. Kids love being near us, especially when they get to feel useful. Narrate what you’re doing. Give them a "job." So often I forget that there is something in these moments for them, too. Instead of trying to entertain or distract them, invite them in.
Ask to Be Invited Into Theirs
Take moments in the day to do what they love. Build the LEGO set. Get on the floor with the dinosaurs. Be the baby in their pretend family. This kind of presence is powerful. It tells them that what they love matters to you, too. I have difficulty with pretend play, but my son is obsessed. I take intentional time in the day that I do it for him because I know it means the world to him.
I know there is some controversy around whether we should be “playing” with our kids or not, but I believe it to be one of the most powerful tools of connection. Don’t do it all day long and don’t replace every moment of boredom with entertainment, but caring about what they care about will significantly reduce attention-seeking behavior. For that, it is worth a couple of minutes of pretending I’m a superhero each day.
Reclaim Bedtime
I know that bedtime can sometimes be one of the most stressful parts of the day. You’re desperate for them to go to sleep so you can have some Netflix time, but they are jumping off the walls. I understand the struggle, but making a point to be intentional in this routine has helped mitigate many attention-seeking behaviors in our home, and it may also help in yours.
At our house, we have reclaimed bedtime to promote connection. We have our regular bath, brush teeth, & book routine, which we try to do thoroughly phone-free. Can you imagine being the kid in the tub, playing and using your imagination, only to look up and see your parent glued to their device the whole time?
Then, I lay with my four-year-old while he falls asleep. This is one of the most special and connection-filled times of our days because it’s in that vulnerable, soft, open space before sleep that he is most open to talking about the things on his mind.
I know our first instinct, especially by the end of the day, is to speed things up and power through. But when we do slow down, even just a little, when we have the bandwidth, it has the power to promote a deep connection that will make our jobs as their parent easier, too.
Building a connection with our kids doesn’t require more time, per se, but it does require that we spend a few minutes every day being intentional about our attention. We need to pause long enough to see our child and meet them where they are. These small, consistent moments matter, and they shape the culture of our home and the heart of our relationship with our kids.
Hope you found something to inspire you, Mama ✨
More for you to explore:
What to Do in the Quiet Moments of Motherhood (Instead of Scrolling)
How to Get Your Toddlers & Preschoolers Hooked on Books
Books to Read & Things to Do: April Edition
I’m Cadence, and Nurture Notes is where I share ideas for intentional motherhood, low-screen living, and building a connected family culture.
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This was such a great post. Yesterday, I was finishing something up on my computer and noticed that all 4 of my kids were sitting at the table coloring. I was nudged to stop what I was doing and just go and color with them. They were delighted! I need more of these moments to just be still and be present with them. Thanks for those reminders and helpful ways : )
Love this, Cadence! Great reminders and well-written.