Raising the Bar in Stay-At-Home Motherhood

Purposeful ways to set high expectations for yourself as a mom, when the season allows for it.

Hi, and welcome to Nurture Notes! I’m Cadence, a mama and a writer who cares deeply about intentional motherhood and building a more purposeful, connected life with our partner & kids.

When I say “intentional motherhood,” I just mean making choices on purpose, not out of habit or pressure. It’s about slowing down long enough to ask, “Is this actually working for us?” and being brave enough to do things differently when it’s not.

I’m so glad you’re here.

Hey Mama,

We talk a lot about lowering the bar in motherhood. About letting go of pressure, ditching unrealistic expectations, and surviving the hard days with gentleness and grace. And I believe in all of that. Fiercely.

But today, I want to talk about the other side of that conversation.

Because there are seasons in motherhood when things feel a little smoother, when everyone is sleeping a little better, you’re a little more confident, and you have found a good rhythm. When there’s a little more room to breathe, and in those seasons, you’re allowed to raise the bar again.

Not from a place of pressure and definitely NOT to chase perfection. There are no perfect moms here (or anywhere). But sometimes, we want a bit of a challenge, and often, having high expectations for yourself feels good.

Now, some women may get to this place and decide to go back to work. That is a concrete example of raising the bar. Taking on more and being challenged outside of your role as a mother is the perfect fit for a lot of women. Striving to be your best self at home, too, is also possible and important.

But what about those of us who stay home? Who may never return to work outside the home? We often have to seek out growth and fulfillment within the walls of motherhood. We have to create that “wow, I’m so proud of myself” feeling—that endorphin high—not from a promotion or paycheck, but from the way we show up, lead, and live out our days at home.

For the first two years of my son’s life, I truly couldn’t handle more than feeding him around the clock, supporting him to sleep, and kind of, sort of keeping the house in order. That was my max. And when I managed to do just that, it felt like a huge win.

Now, in my fourth year of motherhood, I’ve found I have the capacity for more. In this new season, where my son is more independent and we’re still waiting for our second to arrive, raising the bar for myself as a mom brings me joy and purpose. It feels empowering. And because of it, I feel more fulfilled and more successful in my role as a stay-at-home mom.

How to Know If It’s the Right Season

Ask yourself:

• Are you sleeping enough to function? Not luxuriously, of course (does that ever happen in motherhood?) but enough that your brain and body aren’t constantly screaming for rest.

• Do you feel emotionally regulated more often than not? You still have hard moments, but you’re not in a constant state of overwhelm.

• Are the logistics of your day manageable, even if messy? You’re not drowning in the basics. You’re getting through meals, naps, bedtime, maybe not seamlessly, but with a rhythm that’s starting to feel doable in the long haul.

If you’re nodding along to these, it might be your season to raise the bar and gently reach for something that will benefit yourself and your family.

Areas to Raise the Bar When the Season Allows

When the season shifts and you find yourself with a little more capacity, now’s the time to raise the bar in small, intentional ways. Whether it’s showing up differently in parenting, creating more ease at home, reconnecting in your marriage, or remembering who you are outside of motherhood, this is your permission to reach for something that feels a little more like you again.

Parenting

My cutie, pesky boy

Maybe you’ve noticed some behaviors creeping in—whining, pushing limits, or hitting. These are all completely normal kid behaviors, but there are things you can do to help them learn how to communicate their needs more effectively. Maybe what’s been working in the past is no longer working, and you’ve got to do a little “research” to get to the bottom of it.

Queue up a parenting audiobook during nap time. Pull that half-read parenting book off your nightstand. Text a friend who gets it, or look into a class or support group where you can ask the real questions. Parenting is layered and complicated, but you don’t have to sort it out alone. Often, it’s as simple as leading with more connection at bedtime or finding a new way to communicate with them, and now you may have the capacity to do the “deep dive” your kids need.

This is also a great time to do a screen time audit. Has screen time become increasingly prevalent in your household? No biggy, but let’s take a second to see where it’s working and where it might be leading to more problematic behaviors, and how we can pull it back. Here are some ideas to lower your kid’s screen time.

Homemaking

Let’s talk clutter. A lot comes with running a family, and I don’t just mean the mental load. I mean stuff. Art projects, rocks collected on a walk, the next-size-up clothes, your partner’s random important scrap of paper, those tiny toys that come home in birthday gift bags. It adds up fast. Maybe now is the time to open a few windows and start clearing some space.

Pick one small area at a time. Your nightstand. The kitchen counter. The junk drawer (okay, maybe save that one for last). That one basket where everyone dumps their stuff. A little order can shift the whole energy of a room and, in turn, can change the tone of the day.

It’s not about keeping the “perfect” home or being the “perfect” homemaker. It’s about finding areas in your homemaking role that may need a little more attention. Not because you’re striving for perfection, but because it feels good when things are in order.

Marriage

Us, on our wedding day

If your relationship has felt like it’s been running in the background lately, you’re not alone. Early parenthood pulls so much of our focus, and that’s completely normal. You can’t be caring for a newborn and keeping the spark alive in your marriage every night. These early years are exactly what your foundation was built for—to weather the hard seasons together, even when weekly date nights are off the table.

But if things are starting to feel more stable, this might be the time to gently bring some attention back to your relationship.

It can be small things that actually add up to a lot. A simple “wow, I love you so much” text in the middle of the day or a movie night together after the kids are in bed. Picking up his favorite kind of coffee. It can also mean tending to the little “issues” that may have come up, by having the vulnerable conversations you’ve been avoiding. Maybe it’s seeing things from their perspective once in a while and making sure they know that you understand. It’s also making sure that you feel supported and appreciated, and ASKING for these things when you’re not getting them.

It’s unrealistic to expect your marriage to feel magical during every season of raising young kids. There will be times you’ll wish you could reconnect on a beach somewhere, but the truth is that probably won’t happen this year. What can happen, though, is showing up for each other in the small, daily moments.

Because your kids don’t need a perfect marriage, but they need your marriage to be strong.

They need to see you prioritizing one another, building something stable, and growing together through it all.

Yourself

My daily morning coffee & reflection in the garden

Motherhood changes you. There is no way around it. Usually, it makes you a stronger, more empowered woman. But it can also be really hard and confusing, making your way back to “yourself” after becoming a mom. Now you’ve changed, and you’re not really sure who you are? So, how do you start feeling like yourself when you have no idea who that woman is anymore?

You raise the bar for yourself.

You put down the phone and pick up a book. You stop listening to all the noise being thrown at you through social media. You start that Substack you’ve been thinking about. You prioritize that monthly therapy or coaching session. You explore a hobby or two. You take off those day three leggings and put on something comfortable, but that makes you feel empowered in your day.

You say to yourself,

“What a remarkable mom and woman I am. I am so proud of myself.”

“Striving to be the best version of myself is hard work, but hard work feels good.”

“I don’t have to wait until I have more alone time to feel more like myself. I am building a meaningful, empowered life at home with my kids.”

The joy isn’t waiting for you on the other side of “figuring it all out.” It’s here, already. In the tiny good things that live alongside the hard stuff.

You have to start believing that there is joy amongst the hard. Prioritizing your happiness alongside the dirty diapers and the sleepless nights. Let this season be about allowing the goodness to exist amongst the hard.

That’s how you find your way back to yourself.

Or maybe, your way forward to someone even stronger.

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Having high expectations for yourself in this role doesn’t mean you’re not nurturing, soft, or that you can’t go with the flow. It doesn’t mean you don’t slow down and treat your role as a mother as an ever-evolving relationship, rather than a “job”. It’s not about an achievement mindset or to obtain an A+ grade as a parent. I am also certainly not suggesting we start treating motherhood as something to “conquer” or that there is such a thing as a “perfect” mother.

It simply means you value this work—your life’s work—and you want it to be fulfilling, challenging in the best ways, and aligned with the kind of woman and mother you’re becoming.

You want it to feel like:

• The endorphin high you get after a hard workout.

• That deep-sigh satisfaction after finally organizing the closet you’ve been avoiding for months.

• Crossing off the last thing on your to-do list and realizing you actually did it all.

• The proud moment your child mirrors something you’ve taught them—kindness, bravery, resilience.

• That cozy, content feeling when everyone is asleep, the house is still, and you know you showed up well today.

Because hard stuff done with intention feels good.

I hope you found something here that empowers you.

Thanks for reading,

Cadence

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More for you to explore:

What to Do in the Quiet Moments of Motherhood (Instead of Scrolling)

When Hubby's on a Work Trip and You’re Holding Down the Fort

Everyday Ways to Build Connection With Your Kids

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I’m Cadence, and Nurture Notes is where I share ideas for intentional motherhood, low-screen living, and building a connected family culture.

I’m able to write Nurture Notes and share these posts each week thanks to the support of paid subscribers. Writing here takes time, energy, and care, and if you’ve found something here that’s encouraged you in motherhood, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. It helps me continue to show up and share more of this work. A like or comment means a lot, too. Thank you!